Do your kids have meltdowns after school?
You know what I mean. As soon as they get in the door all of the emotions they have been holding in tight for six hours in order to "not get into trouble" at school come to a head and erupt, otherwise known as "after-school restraint collapse". This happens because they see you as a safe place to express themselves.
But they aren't always great communicating exactly why they feel so overwhelmed by life.
Hence, the meltdown.
Now of course you want your children to be able to express their emotions, but you don't really want it to be in meltdown form, right?
So what can you do instead and to encourage your kids to talk to you about what they are feeling?
Well, I guess you could distract them with screens to avoid "after-school restraint collapse", but that won't teach them the value of communication.
Let me explain how I solved (well, mostly, let's be real) the problem of after school meltdowns, or "crazies" as I sometimes call them to myself.
What I Do to Avoid Afternoon Meltdowns
I named this blog "What Do We Do All Day?" because I was attempting to answer the never ending inquires I got as a stay at home mom about how I was spending the days with my child when I was "no longer working". [insert eye roll] When both kids started school full time last year the questions began again. What was I planning on doing with all my "free time"? [insert eye roll] Believe me, there is plenty to do, even when your kids are at school.
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The big question for me is not "what am I going to do while the kids are at school," but what am "I going to do after school?" I began to dread the empty afternoons after the boys got off the school bus, especially as the days grew shorter and colder.
It's all very well to subscribe to the parenting philosophy "let kids have their free time" but another thing entirely when that free time is spent fighting with your sibling in a tiny apartment while mom slowly loses her mind.
If you've been paying attention to my posts lately you may have noticed and increase in my attempts to increase family harmony. I'm often at my last nerve with the boys and their fighting and one thing I've done is to have at least one day a week in which I plan some sort of small project to do after school.
After-School Projects
Calming after-school projects distract kids from being overwhelmed and allow them to have some calming downtime. Don't force the project if they don't want to do it. After a few days you will come to learn what type of ideas are best for your child's individual needs. They may want your attention, or they may want to be quiet. Perhaps they want simple ideas, or perhaps they want something more involved. Whatever you come to find as a good way to wind down after school, allowing them to calm down will let them relax, open up and you will be surprised at how much they communicate about how they are feeling!
What is a characteristic of a good after school project?
Simple
Projects must be simple! That doesn't mean they have to be boring, however!
One afternoon we made (very ugly) pinch pots we made from baking soda clay. You can get the recipe at the arm and hammer website but an even easier way to make the pots is to use Crayola Model Magic!
Novelty
Projects should have an element of novelty. Try something you've never done before, maybe even something that seems a bit... forbidden?
Even the novelty of drawing on the windows with markers was enough to keep them busy and not-fighting for a while. I often stop in the art supply store to look for something that might capture the boys' interest. These window markers were just the ticket one cold day.
Timely and Relevant
Is a holiday coming up? Use that as enticement for a project distraction. You could decorate gingerbread men–buy or make them ahead of time to make things even easier! For Valentine's Day, the boys made bookmarks.
Even thought the boys had already gotten into their pajamas we didn't let that deter us! I have all kinds of DIY bookmarks to inspire your kids. I bet they will love the origami hearts!
After the holidays, we decorated thank you notes with bubble wrap prints. It was a slightly more involved project that we were used to, but it filled up two afternoons. On the first day they made the prints. On the second day, they wrote their notes!
Involve Food!
I've been starting to make sure that at least one meal a week can be totally prepared by the boys. So far pizza toasts and quesadillas are on the menu those days, but I'm investigating other options (got any suggestions?). It keeps them busy and they feel proud of helping me.
So that's it. There is nothing truly revolutionary about what I am doing, just baby steps to help me organize the kids' afternoons.
Benefits of Avoiding Meltdowns
It's enough to increase the harmony and decrease the sibling fighting, but not enough to make me feel stressed out about keeping everyone to a busy schedule of planned activities.
The bonus? When the kids are more relaxed they tend to communicate more and then I can talk to them about how they are feeling and help them express their emotions and thoughts in a more organized manner than a meltdown would allow.
More Ideas to Help with After School
Meltdowns can happen at any age but for parents of 2-4 year olds, try these 10 quick and easy ideas.
Coloring books or pages are a great way to relax and calm kids down, especially if you have a new, novel and relevant coloring page. Try our emotions coloring page to help kids with their feelings. Or, for older kids an extreme dot to dot book is irresistible!
One of my all time favorite ideas? Have a stack of new books from the library waiting on the table!
Here's to peaceful after school days with lots of healthy communication! (Hey, it's a good goal at least, right?)
More tips that might help:
- This Free Planner I designed for school breaks can also be adjusted for after-school afternoons!
- One simple tip to avoid yelling at your kids (yelling never, ever, ever helps meltdowns)
- Screen-free ideas to keep the kids busy while you make dinner
Johanna says
Hi Erica,
We go outside every day after school even in bad weather. Nature works best for us. I also signed my kids up for local sport activities of their choice, they do that 2-3 times a week (including weekend games). We also practice mindful meditation regularly, as I have mentioned this to you, I believe. I hope this helps. I am also interested what other families do to reduce stress and siblings fight.
Greetings from Europe!
Johanna
Erica MomandKiddo says
I agree that getting outside is key! Lately we've been having awful weather and since we don't have a yard, it's been more of a challenge.
PragmaticMom says
OMG, you reminded me of my window marker story. My kids LOVE window markers which we usually just use Dry Erase Markers. But for my daughter's birthday party, I bought specially designed Window Markers which turned out to be like oil pastels and got all over everything including the good couch!! (and I was never able to remove the color even after hiring professional upholstery cleaners!).
But the dry erase markers to even washable markers on windows or a sliding glass door provided hours of fun and NO MESS!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Oh no! I didn't think about dry erase markers! I do so love washable markers. So much less stress. I used to have the ugliest couch in the world that I didn't care about at all, but I got a nice new couch and am so paranoid I cover it with a sheet all the time. I'm wondering why I bothered spending my money!!
PragmaticMom says
Another thing I used to do with the kids when they were younger was take cardboard boxes and cut them into rocket ships. I make the front flap into two "lever" you move back and forth. The side flaps into wings for aerodynamics. Then I had the kids use markers to decorate. They'd sit and play in the boxes for a long time.
And also making a fort out of the couch cushions. Just stack them so the roof is a cushion that lies against the back of the couch propped up against more cushions that make up the wall. And I'd hang a blanket over it as the door.
Erica MomandKiddo says
They went through a long phase of making forts. I should remind them how much fun it was. Maybe today after karate!
jeanninewaddleeahchaaj says
After school my kiddos have FREE time! Usually they head outside to play with the dogs, build forts and search for creepy critters. This winter has been a bit more indoor time than they are accustom to. They've been playing together building zoos and habitats.
They are pretty much on their own after school and must find they're own investigations. They love having FREE time to do art as well. This week my son cutout, stitched and stuffed a little dinosaur. They always manage to come up with something!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I completely agree about free time! It's so important. But since they usually start bickering as soon as we step indoors (we don't have a yard) I find a small 15 minute project to focus them leads to more peaceful free time afterwards!
Kim Vij (@EducatorsSpin) says
Erica thank you so sharing you honesty of the fact that afternoons can get a little hectic with kids. I think planning at least one thing in the afternoons with siblings consistantly does give each of us something to look forward to. We try to have at least one outting each week for us to do that's enrichment then it seems like our projects throughout the week end up related to it.
Jen says
My boys get on pretty well together (nothing at all to do with me or my parenting - just lucky!) and we have a big garden (although it has been too hot lately to play outside after school) but even so I have to rely on an hour of computer/ipad time to get me through the afternoons. It's not ideal (my ideal would be more like one hour a week) but most days it saves my sanity. Hope things get easier for you soon - sibling clashes are hard on parents.
Erica MomandKiddo says
The boys don't watch much, but yesterday they watched a movie that they have been waiting for, for a long time, and I admit, I loved the quiet.
Deceptively Educational says
I love this post; there's SO much I can relate to. 🙂
Kalei's mommy says
How about an easy, kid friendly, inexpensive dessert? Place pretzel shaped pretzels on a cookie pan, preferably with sides. Place an unwrapped Hershey kiss on top of each. Put in very low oven 200* for just a few minutes (5 minutes). As soon as they come out, press an M&M down into the soft kiss. Yum!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I'm sure my kids would love that. The trick would be to keep my kids from eating too many!
Emma says
These are great! After school my daughter definitely needs to unwind. She likes doing something sensory or active, but sometimes she surprises me by wanting to do something (gasp) quiet and calm, lol! Thanks for the ideas!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I think the quiet activity can give them time to unwind and process all the input their brain got during the day.