Does your child hate learning to read?
Mine does!
There is so much advice out there about raising readers and for my first child I mostly ignored it. Not because it wasn't good advice. It was! It's just that my older son taught himself to read at the tender age of 3 and has since become a voracious reader. So, I didn't have to do anything.
However, it's been clear for a long time that I would not have the same experience with my youngest son.
I am, in fact, not enjoying teaching my almost 6 year old how to read.
Oh, that is a horrible thing to admit. But I'm just being honest!! A large part of the problem is that he does not like to do things that aren't easy. Even though I know I have given him a good foundation for literacy by including rhyming games, phonetic awareness, and even poetry into our daily lives, I struggle with my own impatience. I have to work very hard to keep a smile on my face.
For a short time, my son seemed amendable to learning how to read. I searched out books that were actually easy and he's even read a few of them (with help) to me. But recently he has decided he hates sounding out words. If he doesn't know the word by sight he doesn't even want to try. Personally, I think it is okay if he doesn't have reading fluency for another year or so and I have scaled my active teaching way, way back. (Note: My son was clearly a typically developing reader. If you ever have concerns you should consult with a literacy specialist.)
That doesn't mean I'm not finding ways to convince him to learn to read! Here's what I'm doing to avoid burnout: (Note: book titles are affiliate links.)
Make the home a text rich environment, and not just books. Put up signs. Put up poems. Add magnet words to doors and walls. I highly recommend The Write Start as a resource for more ideas. The book is geared towards raising kids who love to write, but we all know reading and writing go hand in hand.
Reading wordless picture books. My son loves to read the same wordless book over and over. This is excellent for learning story structure and looking for layers of meaning. For the past week, we've been "reading" Quest repeatedly. See my tips for making the most out of wordless books (I draw heavily on my theatrical training).
Get siblings involved. My two sons do not always see eye to eye, but sometimes when I bring home a book they both can't wait to read I ask Kiddo to read it aloud to his younger brother. Kiddo is a hero in his brother's eyes and I'm going to use it to my advantage!
Do not read bad books. Okay. This one is going to get me some hate mail. Plus, it goes against all the advice out there that says to read what your kid wants, even if it is a book about Pokemon or Disney Princesses (I can at least avoid that latter, although there was a Frozen easy reader I had to read before my kid "discovered" that Frozen was for girls [insert eye roll]). However, I have also read a lot of advice that tells a mama to take care of herself. For me that means limiting the mindless dribble I read. Yes, I still read license characters books, if they are short. The longer ones I call "looking at books". And you know what, he doesn't complain. He looks at them for hours. I don't insult the books, or criticize him for wanting them, but I read (mostly) good books and he can have one on one time with Pikachu, or LEGO Han Solo or Spiderman. When he learns to read, he can read those books as much as he wants, but I must keep my sanity.
When reading aloud, take an extra long pause before a word. I have to be casual about this so my son doesn't catch on, but if I pause long enough, he gets impatient and I see him looking at the word to figure it out.
Read interactive books. Press Here is a personal favorite and lift the flap books like Flora and the Flamingo are another good choice. These books, along with wordless books, emphasize how reading is not a passive sport.
Have your child read only the easy words. One of my current strategies is to ask him to read a single word that is repeated throughout the book. For example, if the book uses "cat" over and over, I will run my finger along the text as I read, stopping at the word "cat" and then let him read that word. Elephant & Piggie are great for this. In I Broke My Trunk!, for example, I would point to the work, "trunk".
Model sounding out words. Instead of making him sound out the whole word, which he HATES, I ask him the sound of the last letter. For example: CAT. I say, "ca.. what's that sound?" while pointing to the "t". He makes the t sound and I finish sounding out the word.
Listen to audiobooks. Here's a list of our favorite audiobooks.
Just read aloud. We all know it. Reading aloud begets readers. .... .... Eventually.
I want to end this post, by saying I am not a literacy professional. I know many parents may not agree with my mostly hands-off strategy. To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty sure I'll change my approach as my son's attitude changes. We all know kids love to change their opinions daily! Right now my goal is to increase my son's desire to learn to read, without stressing either of us out.
Books to try:
- Easy reader books that are actually easy
- Funny early readers
- Great easy reader books
- Classic easy reader books
- Summer reading book list for beginning readers
Please tell me, what are you doing with your emerging reader? Are you finding it a challenge to encourage their reading progress?
Grace says
Thanks for the great post! I am an early-years teacher and children's librarian and I think you are taking exactly the right approach for your son - you know best! He will read eventually (my twins held off until they were almost 7 and are now reading maniacs) when he feels confident. If he's anything like my 4-year-old, he needs to have control over what he's doing with the books. Well. That's a looooong comment. I could go on and on. But really, I just wanted to let you know that you're doing what I would do! And I love your book lists.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thank you so much, Grace. It's nice to know a professional thinks I'm on the right track! The control thing never occurred to me, but I think that is exactly right!!
artscrackers says
Great post! My oldest goes on and off with wanting to read. I'm working on teaching him, but we have to be careful to not overdo it. We do a lot of interactive books which helps and I let him help with small words which keeps him more involved! I'm going to try some audio books too!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I do love the audio books when it's been a long, long day!
Lise says
Your five-year-old sounds like mine. I loved your post about actually-easy readers, and bought some of them for her. But she is very reluctant to try reading, because she wants to just know how right now! She's very intelligent, and after 20 years of teaching preschool, I thought I'd be right in assuming she'd be reading early. Nope. I wanted to tell you that I'm right with you on the not reading bad books! And to pass on a few we've had great success with: the Brand New Readers series (not for sounding out, but for feeling successful as a reader) and "Bears on Wheels" by Stan and Jan Berenstain (the Berenstain bears are generally on my I-don't-read-them list, but this one, and "Old Hat, New Hat," I think are pretty brilliant early readers). Good for you for encouraging patience. It'll come!
Erica MomandKiddo says
So funny about your B. Bears comment. I really dislike the B. Bears, but we have one hand me down reader that sounds similar to the one you mention, and I think it's a great easy reader!! Thanks for the recommendations.
Anna@The Measured Mom says
Oh, I can't bear the Berenstain Bears book either! (pun not intended!)
Sara Scoggan says
My daughter loves the Berenstain Bears so much that she wants to read "all of them" when I ask her which one she wants. I think we have 20! I don't mind them if it gets her to love to read. And I can always say, "We are going to clean up the messy room just like "The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room!" 🙂
Jen Robinson says
This sounds like a good approach to me, Erica. I've been trying to keep my focus with my daughter (now 4.5) on making sure that she LOVES books. I figure that the rest will eventually follow, as it surely will for New Kid. But I do use some of your techniques, like pausing before reading a word to see if my daughter will chime in with it. I'm constantly trying to strike the right balance between supporting her learning to read while keeping it fun (vs. feeling like work).
Erica MomandKiddo says
I work on struggling to not get frustrated that it doesn't come easy for him, having patience to just wait for him to be ready and also making sure I give him the support. At least reading aloud is always fun!
Jodie @ Growing Book by Book says
Erica, I do have educational background and can say you are on the right track! You have obviously set up a wonderful literacy rich environment. Boys especially don't meet those silly standards that say a child must read by age x. I think you are right to give it time. It will most likely seem "easy" to him in the near future.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thank you so much for saying that, Jodie! We are fortunate that our public school doesn't pressure kids to learn to read early.
Erin says
These are great ideas! I was a reading specialist for a while, and all kids learn to read at different times. I'm like you in that my first son was reading magic tree house by age 4 and my second didn't start reading fluently until he was 7. Kids are just different! I have lots of ways on my blog that I encouraged my son to be interested in reading, including word games and incentives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad to hear I'm on the right track!
Corrie says
Two things that have helped us this year with our kiddo learning to read:
1. Play "say it fast" as a game. In this game you just say words slow like they are sounded out. For example, "Ch-eeeee-ssss-eburrrrr-gerrrrr." Then your kiddo tries to guess what the word is. It is fun to do it with the kids' names, stop signs etc. The idea is that if he can learn to hear a word pulled apart like that, it'll be easier for him to hear when he is sounding it our reading. Also, you can make this a fun car game. Sort of like I-Spy. "I spy a trrrreeeee." Etc. We have a lot of fun with it (for about a week. It can drive you crazy. :o)
2. Starfall.com has a word machine game that models sounding out words while making them more familiar and giving them a strategy for sounding out words.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Oh, Iove the say it fast game idea. I am going to try it, thank you!
Liz says
Great post, I'm going to use some of your ideas! My 2nd grader is a lot like your son - she absolutely adores books, but she's used to most things coming easy for her and gives up when reading is hard. I'm fine with where she is but her school is pushing hard for kids to be fluent readers already (even in 1st grade they were pushing too hard in my opinion) and we've had a lot of stress at homework time for the last year because of reading. I have a hard time being patient too.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thanks, Liz. It certainly gives us parents a lesson in patience!
Anna@The Measured Mom says
I think you've got some great techniques here, especially the one where he finishes the words with the ending sound, and also reading words for you. Have you seen Progressive Phonics? They're free online readers (I'll spare you the spamming and not leave the link here). They're funny and awesome because you read most of it and your kid chimes in with the rhyming words. Easy phonics practice that worked for my kids. I am SO so with you on not reading character books... but I actually do say they're not great literature. I'll read them in the library but will not usually read them at home, and we don't own them.
Erica MomandKiddo says
That's a great point about the rhyming. I don't know the Prog. Phon. books you mention. I'll google it. 🙂
Martha Harris says
It is so nice to have public discussion about how it is ok not to be an early reader. My oldest (now 8.5) has really struggled with reading. She loves looking at books, going to the library, etc but when it came to actually having to read she would balk. We don't have a TV and have books, audiobooks, etc and I love to read. I couldn't figure out why she wasn't reading after following all the how-to's. After getting her eyes tested at the beginning of second grade (vision ok) we struggled all last year and I still felt something was not right. I couldn't figure it out and knew something wasn't clicking for her so we went to see a vision specialist over the summer. She was diagnosed with convergence insufficiency - meaning her eyes don't pull together all the way so reading and other close tasks are like double vision for her. We're seeing a therapist and getting her on hopefully the right road, but all through this I am relying on her love of stories. Your book lists are the best! It has been so helpful to read aloud funny, engaging, colorful, thoughtful books through this whole process.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm so pleased the post resonated with so many people. Best of luck to your daughter, it's so helpful to have a diagnosis and know the right way to get help.
kateywrites says
Great post! I agree with your methods in so many ways. I told my kids years ago that I am DONE reading Barbie books to them. They know that if they get those ones from the library or buy them (with their own money) - they are on their own. And that works out just fine.
I also used wordless picture books for a long time with my youngest, who was refusing to work on reading because she hates being wrong. It certainly helped her grow such a love of story that she WANTED to work on reading, so she could explore more books without my help.
One last tip regarding the Elephant and Piggie books especially. I started using them as a read-together/play-together activity. After I've read one aloud a few times, I will read it with my youngest, but as a play. She chooses who is Gerald and who is Piggie. We do funny voices and faces. Sometimes we even use puppets (Gerald and Piggie faces on popsicle sticks) and put on a show for her sisters. And then, of course, they want a turn, too!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Funny voices is such a great idea. I do funny voices myself so I should be encouraging my son to join it. Great suggestion!
Katie Pinch says
What a great post. I do a lot of these things with my daughter who is only 3. I can't wait until she is older and ready to start reading on her own. Hopefully she will enjoy the process.
Erica MomandKiddo says
It's great to start the prep early!
Ann says
Really great post Erica. I am in the same boat with a younger child who struggles. These are all great suggestions. Love the idea of creating a text rich environment and only reading good stories. Everyone has there own time table for learning to read.
Erica MomandKiddo says
I agree. It's clear he's going not going to read for a while and I am totally okay with that.
Amanda says
Wow! This is spot on to how I feel about it and you've offered resources and ideas I hadn't thought of! Thanks so much!
Fanny Harville says
Just chiming in here to say that I sympathize and agree with everything you've written here. My 10 year old son is now a voracious reader but he didn't read until he was 7. It was so hard to be patient! He had no interest in early readers or simple books but we cultivated a text-rich, no-pressure environment and read aloud all the time. It finally clicked. And the thing I'm the proudest of is that my son's own memory is that he learned to read much earlier than age 7. He doesn't remember resisting reading or not being able to read, and his own image of himself is as someone who was always a reader!
Erica MomandKiddo says
The hardest part is being patient!
Rebecca says
No hate mail, but I do think kids need to be encouraged to read whatever they are picking up and then gently led to other choices once the reading habit catches on. I meet so many parents who are worried because their kids only like Captain Underpants or surely graphic novels aren't challenging enough, or she only wants Barbie books, etcetera, and my philosophy is any book in the hands of a reluctant reader is a good book, if the reluctant reader is enjoying the process.
Erica MomandKiddo says
I probably was clear enough in my post. I absolutely let them read every book they want. We have all the CU books in fact, and both boys bring home Pokemon books every time we go to the library. What I stopped doing, is reading those books *aloud*. This may not work for everyone, but my boys have shown no signs that they are unhappy with the situation and both still love books, and I never criticize their choices.
E.S. Ivy (@ESIvy) says
I think of the "read what your kid wants" as more applying to after they're reading for themselves, not when you're reading to them. 🙂 I think these are all great tips. I know that I was slow to learn to read, it sounds like for some similar reasons to your son! And yep, I read now.:) So I think it sounds like not making it stressful while still being encouraging is the right track!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Agree!! Read alouds must be fun for parents, too.
Erin says
I completely agree on not reading certain books. When I don't like something, no matter how hard I try, I find that it shows. And when trying to encourage a love of reading, enthusiasm counts. I found audio versions of some of my least favorites so the kids can listen and read on their own. One thing my family loves to do is read the elephant and piggie books by each person reading one character.
Erica MomandKiddo says
That's a great idea!
Theres Just One Mommy says
Working on that text rich environment here! I will be putting up many more signs! My oldest is at that point, she doesn't want to try to sound out the words... So I have been leaving her little notes here and there to make it fun.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Yes, fun notes are a good idea. Anything that doesn't seem like a chore seems to do the trick.
Michelle Breum says
My oldest son basically taught himself to read around 3 or 4 as well. My younger children who are twins didn't learn to read as easily. I just wrote a post on my blog about sounding out words and there's a link to the story of how my children learned to read. One of my twins was like your son. She read by sight words and picture clues. That way of reading stopped working for her as books got more difficult.
I think you have some great ideas for helping your son with reading and a positive attitude. I really enjoyed reading your post.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thanks, Michelle!
Melissa says
I like the idea of 'look at' books - truly, I hate to read that dribble too.
My daughter (age 6/1st grade) struggles with reading too. I did come up with one thing she doesn't mind too much. When I finish reading a page I tell her to "show me some words". She picks any five words she wants from the page and reads them to me. Then I point to 2 - 3 'challenge' words. Words I know she won't know to see, but she should be able to decode/sound out. It really worked! At first she would pick the easiest words possible. Then I pointed to a word that made her think. When she got it right I made me so proud, and boosted her low confidence. Now when I tell her to show me some words she will often read a complete sentence or two. When she does that, I do not make her do challenge words. And sometimes I just read without making her do it. You have to protect their love of story time!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Oh, what a good idea! I also completely agree that my main goal is to preserve a love of reading -- at all costs!
Emma @ P is for Preschooler says
These are great tips! I take a laid-back approach with my 6 year old too. For now I focus on making it fun - the rest will fall into place (I'm hoping, lol!)
Joe says
The best thing parents can do to help young children grow into passionate, skilled readers is to provide them with positive associations with reading beginning at an early age. Child psychologist David Elkind points out that the 3-5% of children in the United States who are able to read phonemically upon entering Kindergarten had parents “who read to their children, took them to the library, and talked about books with them.” These children did not receive any sort of formal instruction from their parents, but benefited “from the motivation that develops from rich exposure to language and books and the special attention of a warm and caring adult.”
Celeste Yeiter says
I appreciate this so much! We're in the same situation. My younger daughter is 6 1/2 and not reading - quite different from my older daughter! I've been feeling pressure to "get her reading!" and we've had tears and frustration over it. NOT what I'm going for at all! I've backed off again for now and we're refocusing on the love of reading. I also found Reading Eggs online which takes me out of the equation and is so motivating for my daughter. She feels really proud about accomplishing levels and is getting way more phonics practice than she would ever accept from me! We're off to the library with your list of easy readers that won't make me want to poke my eyes out. 🙂 Thanks!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I'm glad my post helped. Since writing this, his reading has improved leaps and bounds, and all with very little "teaching" on my part.
SmileyPR says
My students love Jolly Phonics, Star Fall and Songbirds Phonics readers.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Thanks for the recommendation!
Kate Parnes says
Liz, great attitude! I am a first grade teacher and it makes me crazy that all kids are expected to read at the same time at the same rate of fluency. It's just not natural. Speaking from my own experience, I KNOW that many children who aren't strong readers in first grade "take off" in second. Two of my own sons are also perfect examples of that. If we had had reading specialists in our school when they were here, I'm sure they would have both qualified for special help.
Low and behold, by the end of second grade you couldn't take either of them anywhere unless they got to bring their book.
So read on. Let your son hear the rich language in books that are far too advanced for him, take the pressure off, and I predict he will be a reading machine in his own time.
Laure says
My bonus daughter is this exact same way. It has terrified me and made me think I was doing something wrong. Thank you so much for your post you have made me feel not so alone and like a failure. I appreciate your advice so much! Thank you!!
Claire Masters says
My son is 2 years old now and I want him to start learning how to read at an early age. Thanks for these tips and I'll really note how modeling sounds will let him copy what I say eventually. Now, we just need to find the right books.