I will never forget my experience about 25 years ago when a boss/friend of mine had a gathering at which her biological mother was present. She hadn't met her 'til she was married with children. I was SO impressed with how similar they were in tone, expression, and certain attitudes (granted, we're not getting deep here---this was a social gathering). I have a cousin who, not living around the corner, I would see on occasion through the years. In other words, we weren't around each other in a way that we would influence each other in any way. She and I have similar facial expressions, gestures, etc. Genetics are very powerful and definitely present from conception, not just in physical appearance, but nature. You're so right, ladies 🙂

But I've always believed, and still do, that we are all a combo (relatively balanced percentage, I think) of genetics and environment (all-inclusive, e.g., parents, siblings, peers, living conditions, individual experiences and interactions, etc.). I believe the way you moms are handling the differences between siblings isn't just helping them feel good about themselves as individuals, but you're teaching them to respect others' differences and needs. When I hear the things mothers like you talk about and agree on, it really makes me feel good because honestly, a lot of the parenting I've witnessed over the years is NOT this 🙁

And hopefully, as your kids go through school, they will come across the kind of teachers and peers who will appreciate their gifts, whatever they are. It's unfortunate we live in a widely shallow-thinking world and importance is often placed on the wrong things.

I think that's especially hard on kids -- when their skills are not the ones most readily valued by society at large. It's makes our role as parents are the more crucial. Thanks for weighing in, Jen.

Agree, Nina - comparisons will only make them feel badly and think I don't love them equally.

I think "TRY" is something we all do when it comes to parenting. 🙂

For me, I kind of realized that my kids' traits (at least half of them) were genetic and inherent because my eldest—now 4yo—acts just the same as he did as an infant.

Now with the twins, all their personalities are so unique. There are times when the twins share the same traits, others where they can be so different, and all three of them have different needs.

And I try to respect their differences by not comparing them.

Each of my four kids is very different - and the same is true of me and my nine siblings. I actually feel like a lot of my kids' personalities were evident even before they were born - and definitely very apparent in them as tiny newborns.

One of the things I try to be aware of is being careful of empathizing with a child just because they are reacting to a situation in a way that I understand - and trying to see their point of view when they react in ways that are less intuitive to me. As a middle child growing up, I tend to defend Johnny and Lily's perspectives, whereas Mike (as the oldest child who is also the son of an oldest child) is very aware of Emma's perspectives. Fortunately Anna is extremely good at defending the "baby" perspective, so far. Maybe a little too good - when she wants something, she says "Baby! Baby!"

Thanks, Jillian. That is my experience, too. Different kids need different nurturing. Thanks for sharing!